My life is so different now, I think. I think I might just start blogging again and find out - I am not sure my 44 year old self is brave enough, but I am going to give it a whirl. Will you witness my story and read along?
First self-portrait with Sebastien
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Where did I go?
The wonderful world of technology led me somehow to this blog which I had whole hardheartedly forgot existed. I reread the few entries that are here and was shocked to read my own writing - moms, have you had that experience before? An intense disbelief that anything intelligible can come out of ones' own brain? A disbelief that you ever had time for yourself? Or even a disbelief that you actually once had time for yourself and CHOSE to write/study/use your brain? Wow, I miss that former self. Of course, she is still within....7 years later, one more child later.
My life is so different now, I think. I think I might just start blogging again and find out - I am not sure my 44 year old self is brave enough, but I am going to give it a whirl. Will you witness my story and read along?
My life is so different now, I think. I think I might just start blogging again and find out - I am not sure my 44 year old self is brave enough, but I am going to give it a whirl. Will you witness my story and read along?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Still got a little political fire in me....
Ok, so I am tired having just spent 2 hours on my course (doing 4 hours worth), recovering from a cold, and just generally needing more uninterrupted sleep (we did 4 feeds last night...since when is 7 months a newborn??)....so naturally I decided to blog....
Okay, an imporant event came and went on October 22nd - Take Back the Night, which I have been a part of for many, many years. I planned on taking Sebastien to the rally beforehand and then heading home to get him to bed. On the day, I forgot! I cannot believe that I forgot about it, but there it is...I think my outlook for my politics has changed. Baby brain prevents me from remembering dates...but you don't forget who you are or what you believe or who is in your heart. I promise, I pledge, to pass on my concern for the world (with its biases ;-) to my son. So, it starts here.... Remembrance day. I feel conflicted as I write about it. My grandfather served in WW2 and in fact it is the reason for which my grandmother met...my mother was born...and I was born...and that brings us to Sebastien! I feel however I can speak out against WAR without offending or dishonouring the choices that people make around war and in times of war, I hope.
Now, I know that this is a blog...but did you really expect me to spend the next precious sleeping hour writing about my thoughts on war when so many others have done so much more eloquently than myself? I will just say that I have just finished reading Watchmen (a alternate superhero story, for lack of a better way to poorly reflect what it is about in a few words) for my course...there are some amazing lessons in it about human nature, war, suffering, and connection. The author is an anarchist, for those of you who don't know...however, he manages still to portray a variety of lenses with which to look at these issues via each character. So, Remembrance day....yes, a day for remembering soldiers in the context of human nature, war, suffering, and connection. Like I said I won't waste any more sleeping time and present you with an antiwar alternative remebrance day litany (which ironically is from a christian organization - to not offend anyone, let's just say the irony is that I am not a believer in Christianity)...anyhow, it expresses what I wish to say.....
For all the countries ripped apart by violence and militarism, including those which have endured such suffering at the hands of the United States, Canada and local dictators – El Salvador, Iraq, Palestine, Afghanistan, Haiti, the Philippines, Sri Lanka, Chile, the Congo, Sudan, South Africa, and more – we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all those soldiers on all sides of war whom this culture has sacrificed on the altar of greed, materialism, and conquest, and for all the marginalized communities where army recruiters tempt and trick already poor youth with broken promises – we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all the Indigenous peoples of the world, including those in the territories occupied by Canada, who have refused to be exterminated or assimilated, and who have resisted bravely in the face of power, defenders of the land, we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all those who today have the courage to speak out against the Culture of Death, facing overwhelming costs, we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all the ways in which we, ourselves, are still part of the Culture of Death – for our over-consumption, the raging inequalities of our society, racism and privilege, the idolatry of our economic system – we cry out...
*No mas...*
For the courage and compassion to break the cycle of violence, in our world, in our country, in our communities, and in ourselves, that we may become true peace-makers and seek justice for all – we cry out...
*No mas...*
Okay, an imporant event came and went on October 22nd - Take Back the Night, which I have been a part of for many, many years. I planned on taking Sebastien to the rally beforehand and then heading home to get him to bed. On the day, I forgot! I cannot believe that I forgot about it, but there it is...I think my outlook for my politics has changed. Baby brain prevents me from remembering dates...but you don't forget who you are or what you believe or who is in your heart. I promise, I pledge, to pass on my concern for the world (with its biases ;-) to my son. So, it starts here.... Remembrance day. I feel conflicted as I write about it. My grandfather served in WW2 and in fact it is the reason for which my grandmother met...my mother was born...and I was born...and that brings us to Sebastien! I feel however I can speak out against WAR without offending or dishonouring the choices that people make around war and in times of war, I hope.
Now, I know that this is a blog...but did you really expect me to spend the next precious sleeping hour writing about my thoughts on war when so many others have done so much more eloquently than myself? I will just say that I have just finished reading Watchmen (a alternate superhero story, for lack of a better way to poorly reflect what it is about in a few words) for my course...there are some amazing lessons in it about human nature, war, suffering, and connection. The author is an anarchist, for those of you who don't know...however, he manages still to portray a variety of lenses with which to look at these issues via each character. So, Remembrance day....yes, a day for remembering soldiers in the context of human nature, war, suffering, and connection. Like I said I won't waste any more sleeping time and present you with an antiwar alternative remebrance day litany (which ironically is from a christian organization - to not offend anyone, let's just say the irony is that I am not a believer in Christianity)...anyhow, it expresses what I wish to say.....
For all the countries ripped apart by violence and militarism, including those which have endured such suffering at the hands of the United States, Canada and local dictators – El Salvador, Iraq, Palestine, Afghanistan, Haiti, the Philippines, Sri Lanka, Chile, the Congo, Sudan, South Africa, and more – we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all those soldiers on all sides of war whom this culture has sacrificed on the altar of greed, materialism, and conquest, and for all the marginalized communities where army recruiters tempt and trick already poor youth with broken promises – we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all the Indigenous peoples of the world, including those in the territories occupied by Canada, who have refused to be exterminated or assimilated, and who have resisted bravely in the face of power, defenders of the land, we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all those who today have the courage to speak out against the Culture of Death, facing overwhelming costs, we cry out...
*No mas...*
For all the ways in which we, ourselves, are still part of the Culture of Death – for our over-consumption, the raging inequalities of our society, racism and privilege, the idolatry of our economic system – we cry out...
*No mas...*
For the courage and compassion to break the cycle of violence, in our world, in our country, in our communities, and in ourselves, that we may become true peace-makers and seek justice for all – we cry out...
*No mas...*
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Infinite Wisdom....
Well, in my infinite wisdom I thought maybe I could use this time I have 'off' to take a university course (I need 3 full university courses to work towards my Honours Specialist in English, like I haven't done enough university??). So at the beginning of September I started scrambling to find myself one. U of T wanted me to apply to the school, as if I was some 18 year old newbie, but Ryerson will take anyone...so here I come Ryerson.
Then I panicked... I would have to miss a bedtime every week, starting the very next week. Have I mentioned that we do not give Sebastien a bottle - my boy drinks straight from the breast! Anyhow, I realized on sooo many levels that I was so not ready to go out into the world (unless of course it involves walking to Starbucks & with another mom and baby of course, going to 'music' classes for infants, going to baby and mommy yoga, or the grocery store). So where does that land me? Taking an online course in Popular Literature. Fantastic, right? Oh no, Edgar Allan Poe is the first author we read from. I reread those damn stories 3 million times, had a cyring meltdown, and asked Kaashif to 'translate' it for me! It is tough to be an english student again...but I have found my groove and am right back into the art of analysing literature to death (and enjoying it). Not to mention, we are now done with Poe...onto Persepolis, The Shining, Watchmen, and yes, Star Wars!
My point of this whole story though was to tell you about the first day taking the course. I was attached to the computer like it was my right hand. I put Sebastien in the exersaucer ... then went to the computer...I put him in the jolly jumper...then sat beside him and read...I put him on the floor with a toy ....then went to the computer. It was ridiculous, I felt like a bad mom. There is a huge amount of work and I have only now started to find balance between my course and Sebastien. I wonder if he would like me to read The Shining to him as a bedtime story?
Then I panicked... I would have to miss a bedtime every week, starting the very next week. Have I mentioned that we do not give Sebastien a bottle - my boy drinks straight from the breast! Anyhow, I realized on sooo many levels that I was so not ready to go out into the world (unless of course it involves walking to Starbucks & with another mom and baby of course, going to 'music' classes for infants, going to baby and mommy yoga, or the grocery store). So where does that land me? Taking an online course in Popular Literature. Fantastic, right? Oh no, Edgar Allan Poe is the first author we read from. I reread those damn stories 3 million times, had a cyring meltdown, and asked Kaashif to 'translate' it for me! It is tough to be an english student again...but I have found my groove and am right back into the art of analysing literature to death (and enjoying it). Not to mention, we are now done with Poe...onto Persepolis, The Shining, Watchmen, and yes, Star Wars!
My point of this whole story though was to tell you about the first day taking the course. I was attached to the computer like it was my right hand. I put Sebastien in the exersaucer ... then went to the computer...I put him in the jolly jumper...then sat beside him and read...I put him on the floor with a toy ....then went to the computer. It was ridiculous, I felt like a bad mom. There is a huge amount of work and I have only now started to find balance between my course and Sebastien. I wonder if he would like me to read The Shining to him as a bedtime story?
Friday, September 3, 2010
More than just a mother...
The rain must affect babies the same way it does adults, because this morning Sebastien lounged, snoozed, and played with Daddy in bed until noon. By 1pm he was asleep on the boob and he is still sleeping soundly (I will certainly need to make a concerted effort to keep him up this afternoon!). I decided to take the time to check TDSB's website to keep myself abreast of what is going on in my work world. I have been thinking a lot about work lately - about co-workers, lesson plans, training, and the future of my career path. Don't get me wrong I am pleased as punch to be off for the year and I enjoy almost every moment with Sebastien - being a mom is the greatest honour I have experienced in my life. However, I am more than just a mother....
I think what sparked my thinking about this was feeling isolated from my workplace - a separate social sphere from home. I realized that once I left, even though I tried hard to maintain connection with my workplace, I feel like I ceased to exist in the education world. I know that my co-workers are trying to honour my time away, but frankly I want to be included/consulted more often. Work is also a place for creative outlet, I have come to realize. Lesson planning and exploring new ways to teach concepts is creative work - changing diapers, breastfeeding, and signing nursery rhymes isn't particularly creative. This might be why I have spent so much time cooking, baking, and crafting since I have been off - it fills the creative void to a degree. I realize it sounds like I am saying I miss work - not really. However, I do miss belonging to that community - it is like that community has cut me off for a year - out of sight, out of mind. I will continue to find ways to stay connected to it and in the meantime...I will continue having fun with my bundle of joy!
I think what sparked my thinking about this was feeling isolated from my workplace - a separate social sphere from home. I realized that once I left, even though I tried hard to maintain connection with my workplace, I feel like I ceased to exist in the education world. I know that my co-workers are trying to honour my time away, but frankly I want to be included/consulted more often. Work is also a place for creative outlet, I have come to realize. Lesson planning and exploring new ways to teach concepts is creative work - changing diapers, breastfeeding, and signing nursery rhymes isn't particularly creative. This might be why I have spent so much time cooking, baking, and crafting since I have been off - it fills the creative void to a degree. I realize it sounds like I am saying I miss work - not really. However, I do miss belonging to that community - it is like that community has cut me off for a year - out of sight, out of mind. I will continue to find ways to stay connected to it and in the meantime...I will continue having fun with my bundle of joy!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Mr. Easy-Going
For those of you who have not met Sebastien, he is truly a joy to be around and is extremely easy going, especially for a baby. Of course, I am his mother, so I am assumed to have this opinion regardless of his temperament. However, the proof really is in the pudding, so to speak....
4 nights ago, Kaashif (aka Daddy) announced that he was going to try Sebastien in his crib. We had recently been having difficulty getting him to sleep, both for naps and at bedtime. We had talked about putting him in his crib and in truly Dad-fashion, no action plan was needed, he was just going to do it. Night time came and we prepared him for bed, put him to bed and he slept the night in the crib with Kaashif on the futon right beside him (of course he woke for his regular feeds, but went right back to sleep). He did well and I slept extremely well in my very silent room! I secretly thought that it just couldn't be this simple. The following three days he slept in his crib for naps and overnight...with hardly a complaint or a fuss. He is now on a regular schedule, I know his first nap is between 40-60 minutes, followed by another 40 minute nap 2 hours later if he was up early, or just a 1.5 - 2.5 nap in the late afternoon, and off to bed between 730 and 8pm.
If that isn't an easy going baby, I don't know what is.
4 nights ago, Kaashif (aka Daddy) announced that he was going to try Sebastien in his crib. We had recently been having difficulty getting him to sleep, both for naps and at bedtime. We had talked about putting him in his crib and in truly Dad-fashion, no action plan was needed, he was just going to do it. Night time came and we prepared him for bed, put him to bed and he slept the night in the crib with Kaashif on the futon right beside him (of course he woke for his regular feeds, but went right back to sleep). He did well and I slept extremely well in my very silent room! I secretly thought that it just couldn't be this simple. The following three days he slept in his crib for naps and overnight...with hardly a complaint or a fuss. He is now on a regular schedule, I know his first nap is between 40-60 minutes, followed by another 40 minute nap 2 hours later if he was up early, or just a 1.5 - 2.5 nap in the late afternoon, and off to bed between 730 and 8pm.
If that isn't an easy going baby, I don't know what is.
Welcome to my blog!
I imagine that there are few things as challenging and rewarding as becoming a mother, however, writing may be close to as difficult and rewarding. I used to love writing and always wanted to take time to do more of it and I thought this might be my opportunity. We shall see if I enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed being a mother for the first time!
The first qualification I have for motherhood is the ability to do more than one thing at a time. Presently I am starting a blog, writing, and watching a movie/unwinding at the same time (and of course listening and watching the monitor). I am watching a movie called Motherhood and it was the thing that inspired me. The main character is struggling with motherhood (and still doing well) - she is multi-tasking, struggling with the challenge that mothers have of playing multiple roles (mother, woman, wife, writer etc.), coping with the challenges of co-parenting and sharing your life with a partner etc.
It is sparking all kinds of things in me, as movies do - they tend to inspire us, validate our experiences, and make us feel connected, especially when we need these things. I hope that I will be brave enough to share these feelings with you as I create this blog and I certainly plan to entertain you with stories about Sebastien. You thought I forgot why I was writing this bog, didn't you? My first piece of wisdom/advice for you is going to be ...every good mom should do things not only for her child, but also for herself. What we do for ourselves will only have a ripple effect of making our little ones that much happier!
The first qualification I have for motherhood is the ability to do more than one thing at a time. Presently I am starting a blog, writing, and watching a movie/unwinding at the same time (and of course listening and watching the monitor). I am watching a movie called Motherhood and it was the thing that inspired me. The main character is struggling with motherhood (and still doing well) - she is multi-tasking, struggling with the challenge that mothers have of playing multiple roles (mother, woman, wife, writer etc.), coping with the challenges of co-parenting and sharing your life with a partner etc.
It is sparking all kinds of things in me, as movies do - they tend to inspire us, validate our experiences, and make us feel connected, especially when we need these things. I hope that I will be brave enough to share these feelings with you as I create this blog and I certainly plan to entertain you with stories about Sebastien. You thought I forgot why I was writing this bog, didn't you? My first piece of wisdom/advice for you is going to be ...every good mom should do things not only for her child, but also for herself. What we do for ourselves will only have a ripple effect of making our little ones that much happier!
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